the meaning of us.

before i left for the night, you told me you were having trouble breathing. i said we'll worry about it tommorow, and kissed you. and before i stepped into the car, i looked at you and noticed you had tears falling down your cheeks. at that moment, i knew you knew where i was going. but i needed to leave.

when i got home in the morning, i called your name. usually you'd be up all night, worrying about me and when i pulled the car in the driveway you'd run outside and hug me. but not today. 

when you didnt answer, i began to worry. i ran through the house, trying to find you. you weren't there.

and all i found was a note that said,

"sorry,"

and i wept for hours.

i continued leaving at night, getting drunk and having sex with strangers. it was the only thing that kept me from thinking about you. i wondered where you were every day, and before i passed out you were the first thing on my mind. i'd wake up crying for you.

i finally went off to find you. i called all your family and drove around the country. 

and thats when i found you in a small town in pensylvania.

i ran to you, calling your name. all you did was look at me. it was like you didnt know who i was. 

when i tried to hug you, you turned away. my heart shattered.

"i was looking for you for the longest time," i said, trying not to cry.

you didnt say anything for a while, you just looked in my eyes.

"you shouldnt of left me," you said. i didnt understand at first, you were the one that left me.

but then i realized that i ruined what we had.

on the news that night you heard about a man who had hung himself. 

and the man in the picture was me.